Today

Today was rough. Today was more than I wanted to deal with. Today was not what I would have liked it to be. Today I came home with another headache. Today I got yelled at. Today I wanted to run away. Now all that being said, even though it was a rough day, I can pick some blessings out of it.

 I was asked to pray for someone today. I spent my day with great people and we all could relate to the roughness of the day. I was able to comfort someone. I was able to talk with a good friend. I am healthy and able to work. I was able to talk to another good friend. I was able to pray and read from Gods word. I was able to come home and spend time with my family. I will sleep good tonight.....I'm sure. 

It reminds me of how Gods word tells us that when we face trials we are to consider it pure JoY. This is found in the book of James, but I'm unsure of the chapter or the verse. And I'm lazy right now to go look it up. Haha. Now....how do we get joy out of trials and rough days? Well....I have been realizing that everything that happens to us in a days time is no surprise to our God. He knew since before we were created what we should go through on May 31, 2016. This is amazing to me. That all of what happens to us is all in His perfect plan. Now that alone should give us joy, but continuing on in the verse....it tells us that trials produce perseverence. Perseverance is the ability to keep going in life even though times are rough and not comfortable. It's a way we can keep on keeping on. So we should be joyful in hard circumstances so we can not only draw close to our God, but keep going on working for Him in the process. I am convinced that things happen to us so we can be reminded that our God is right there waiting for us. We tend to go our own way and do our own things. We tend to forget Him. He's using circumstances to draw us to His side and call on Him. He won't push himself on us, but wait for us to come. Patiently wait for us. This is so beautiful. To recognize that our Holy God waits for us. Waits for me? I'm not worthy of such a blessing. I'm not worthy of such a love He has for me. I'm nothing and can do nothing without Him. I don't show it enough or love Him enough.....yet he waits and allows me to have rough days so I can persevere and call on Him for help. He continues to love me despite my sin.....this is amazing to me. 

So,,..having joy in trials? The way I look at it is our God knows what we will face each and every minute of every day. He walks ahead of us paving our way and if he's already there where we are headed we have no reason to fear or worry.....this is JOY! Knowing He has is all worked out.....who can't be joyful about that?

Sharing

Meeting people and talking with them is one of my favorite things to do. I have the opportunity to do this every day. Some I have gotten to know very well. A few years ago we were strangers and now we talk about kids and life and all kinds of things......almost like we've know each other for a lifetime. I've been able to read people better. I know when I see them if they are having a good day or a bad one. Some I can tell what's wrong without ever saying a word. I've learned where they stand with God and their beliefs. I've learned how to adjust my conversations to show what and who God is without saying His name. I've learned to pray more because of my opportunities. I've learned that our God puts people in our life to teach us something. I've learned that God is in control of how and at just what moment a connection will be made. This blows my mind in ways I can't explain.

This past month has been full of changes......difficulties......and blessings all at the same time.  Feeling so exhausted that I know when I can't focus on a question my son is asking me.....I need to recharge. Exhaustion not only from physical aspects, but mental as well, can be challenging in our life. Feeling just....blah.....isn't fun or exciting, but I feel it's Gods way of getting me to evaluate my life and focus on the important things. Things like His word and prayer and these connections I have the opportunity to make with people I may not otherwise ever meet. And my family and loving those He's put in my care and life, the best I can.

I had the chance recently to share about Jesus, to someone who feels they may have a limited time left on earth. This person is so afraid of what's beyond this life that he wants to take someone with him so he won't be scared. I asked if he knows Jesus and the response I got was sad......he said "after what I've don't there's no way I will go anywhere but hell".......I felt sad as this was my mentality for 25+ years. So....I was able to talk about Jesus and how we are all in the same boat when it comes to sin. How I was there too. I was able to share verses about how simple it is to trust in a holy God for our salvation. He said...."if you say this is the answer....I'll give it a whirl". Whether or not he follows through, i may never know, but I did tell him he can believe with his heart and be forgiven of all the sin he's committed and never be afraid again. That we don't have to live that way.....ever. I spent too much of my life in fear as well of what would happen to me after I left this earth. Freedom is wonderful.......

So even in the midst of a blah kind of time.....God can still use us if we are open to his leading. This is another thing that amazes me about Him. Using me in the middle of my sin....my unbelief....my untrusting.....my pride.......this blows my mind.....again. When I think of how big and how loving my God really is....I can't do anything but love him that much more.

Amazing

A Friend of mine gave me a lot of books recently. She gave them to me not only for my love of reading or that we've been friends forever, but so she could watch and hear the excitement I get from them. She told me I was like a kid in Christmas morning. She's so sweet to do this kind thing for me and I treasure her and the many books she gave me. I have completed a few of them already.

I have realized that God uses people and books and His Word to teach us lessons. He uses it all to teach us things we need to know in the moment we are in. Here's an example......I spent some days reading through the book of Job in the Bible. This book fascinated me in that Job was a righteous man yet God allowed Satan to do to him as he wanted.....just all without taking his life.

Now....in reading one of the books my Friend gave me, the same point was used, in that even though satan was an angel....he was and still is under Gods authority. He still needs to ask permission before he does anything to us. He can't just go and wreck our lives because he has free will to do so. Our holy God must allow it. This is amazing to me because Ive heard people say that satan was attacking their family, because things were rough at the time. I didn't like that statement because I felt it was giving the devil glory in recognizing what he was doing. I however looked at "bad times" another way. I feel God uses ANyThING to get our attention. Whatever it takes for us to learn what we need to and then give Him his due glory through the tough time and after it. He wants us to know he is still there for us and we can call in him to help us at any time. Yes.... he allows satan to mess with our comfortable lives, but only to have us draw closer to Him in the midst of it all. How amazing is that?

I've always known satan is out there. In my past, I went through a period of rebellion against God and satan had full power over my life. God allowed him to take full control of my pathetic life and make something beautiful out of it. Those are years I will never get back and regret my rebellion, but without that time, I wouldn't be where Im at today. God really does use evil for good. I'm living proof of that. He uses what he needs to to teach us how powerful he is and nothing satan does to us is out of his full control. I'm in such awe of my God to love me that much.  <3

Sunday morning

What are your Sunday's like? Mine are different depending on the week. If I don't have to work I am in church worshipping with my church family. Today i was in church. Today I got to sit beside my husband for the whole service.....which hasn't happened for quite awhile.....So I am thankful to my God for allowing such a privilege. Two of my kids were there along with other amazing Jesus loving people. I got to see my former pastor and his wife today! It's always a pleasure to see them and speak with them in person. I also have the privilege to study before the worship service with a great friend who shares my desire to learn together.

Before the service starts, we can make rounds and talk and hug and share with one another. This is a way of getting closer as a church family and building unity among all of us. Today I had another privilege of speaking to one of our elders about something a friend and I worked on this week concerning God and time. The enthusiasm in his voice was so encouraging. The sermon my pastor talked about today was from 1 Timothy 4......very good sermon about young pastors and the job they have to teach those of us listening. Then those of us who listen are better equipped to serve others inside and outside of our church walls. We can have the tools we need to witness and love people better and show Jesus' love to them in the process.

Between the singing, prayer, teaching, more singing and more prayer......it's like getting a fill up of God and there is nothing to compare it to. Nothing. This service is a way of making connections to God and others who share the same faith. This is something I wouldn't trade for anything. Our God commands us to meet together and to not give that up. We are called to be together in love with others who love Jesus. We aren't to be on the Christian journey alone.....ever.

I thank my God for the many people he has put in my life to help me learn. My desire is to listen, study, pray, and grow in Jesus each day. There are so many who are helping me.  Whether if by talking, studying, reading, praying, messaging, email, phone calls, blogs, etc.......I am truly thankful for all of you for this......I couldn't make it without any of you.   :)

God is good!  God is awesome! God is all powerful.....all knowing.....all around. He knows all and equips us to move forward in Him. We just have to be open to His leading and go for it. My life has never been the same......and neither will yours if you follow Him.

Memories

A few months ago a bunch of women at my church and I had a Sharing Day. We met on a Saturday morning and ate breakfast together and shared our testimonies. We shared about our life before we knew Jesus and how our life changed after accepting Jesus. We all took turns and listened intently to each other. We all learned a lot about each other and made connections to one another in such a way we may never have been able to do otherwise. It was an emotional time as well as a blessing.

Before we had this day planned I took awhile to put my own testimony onto paper. To be honest it was one of the hardest things I ever did. Trying to remember my life and all the bad choices I made before I knew Jesus was very painful.....especially during my teen years. Many times as I typed on the computer I had to stop and come back to it. The part that hurt the most is the fact that I hurt my God over and over and I had no remorse, at the time,  for doing so. So, bringing all this back to the surface was more painful than I want to admit.

During my own sharing time that Saturday morning I let everyone know that most of my childhood is lost. Now that I think about it....even when I was a teenager and in my early 20s, I still didnt remember much of my childhood. My poor mom tries to bring up fun times we had as a family, but I am blank. So, I don't think it has to do with my age. When I stated this on our sharing day, my friend said that maybe that is how God is protecting me from remembering things that would not be beneficial to me. From about age 13 forward I remember more than I do age 12 back. It's weird. And I wonder what I'm suppressing in there......but like my friend said......God is protecting me. From what I'm not sure.....but I trust His judgement over my own.

This is some of my drive to write so much down. Writing it down helps me remember. Writing it down will leave a legacy for my kids. Writing it down will help me help others. Writing it down reminds me of where I came from to where I am now....and where I am headed. Praise be to God!
He's always amazing me.

Lessons from Job 2

This man Job is amazing to me. He's lost everything except his wife and yet he's still not blaming God. He was the only upright and blameless man of his day.....and what happened to him in losing everything, including his kids, was unfair. We as humans always want things fair. How often do we cry...."that's not fair.....it's not fair". No most things in this life aren't fair, and since we all think we are good people most of the things that come our way aren't fair to us because of our goodness, but there is purpose for them. However, God has other plans. Plans we may never understand. We don't need to understand them, but trust Him during that time.

So now in chapter 2 Job satan is still at work in Job's sad life. God and satan have another conversation and God asks if he considered Job (a second time). He was told not to take his life, so he is now stricken with sores head to toe. My Notes say they are boils. Now I'm familiar with boils, or abscesses. These are very common and people come to emergency all the time to get these taken care of. My husband has had surgery to remove them. If abscesses aren't Taken care of so the infection can be drained out, other problems like sepsis can occur. These are swollen, red, pus filled bumps on the body. They can be internal as well. They can be in your mouth too. They are very painful and can't really be touched without feeling pain. For Job to have these head to toe must have been excruciating. How could he sit or lay or even walk? Top all this with losing his family and the physical and emotional stress must have been overwhelming. Verse 8 says he took pieces of pottery to scrape them.....probably to drain them so they could heal.

Look at his wife's response in verse 9.....she wants him to curse God and die. She feels death for him would be better than living with all this pain. I'm thinking of her and wondering how she use look at him with all those sores on him? She probably couldn't, so for her death of him would save her from looking at him or having to take care of him? Just a thought. But satan tempts her to say that as the goal of satan is to have Job curse God. Satan hates God and wants to see us hate Him too. It's possible the wife didn't know satan was putting this idea in her head about cursing God. It's possible she was just a vessel he could use to make Job feel worse.

Jobs response to her in verse 10 is good. He tells her she's crazy and asks if we should only accept Good from God and not trouble? Job still has not sinned against his God.
This makes me think of how I am. When everything is going good....I praise Him for his goodness. But when trouble hits I want It fixed fast.....and get back to good things. I've learned over the years I don't question God and what he does.....whether good or trouble. I do trust him, but would rather the trouble get over with sooner rather than later. That's my preference. I'm still learning patience......slowly learning patience. We need to praise God in troubled times too. What I've seen over to years is the troubled times is when we have the most growth. It's the times when we come out on the other side we can be better people. It's the times when I can relate to situations others can't because I've been there. That's what we don't see when we are in our "down" time. All we see int he moment is unfairness and want it to be done. I'm thankful for our God as he does things in His time and not mine. If my time was how he did things.....oh golly.....not good.

After this....3 of Jobs friends come to visit him. For 7 days none of them spoke. They just sat with Job and were silent. They knew his suffering was great and just sat to comfort him. Sometimes saying nothing at all is a blessing. Sometimes just "being there" for someone in their times of trouble is all they need.
My mother in law died in 2004. A few weeks before she died, one of our elders from church came to visit us. We knew it wasn't going to be long before the Lord took her home and my husband was having a hard time. This man said no words when he came over. He simply sat with Dustin as they cried together. The compassion he had through the tears spoke more than any verbal words could have. I will always remember this as sometimes the best thing we can do is not speak anything. Just like Jobs friends we need not always be saying things because most times we don't know what to say and our words are meaningless and empty. But love and compassion need not be said.....these are actions....and actions always speak louder than words.

Lessons from Job

Recently I've been studying the book of Job. This man was called upright and blameless before God. He had a wife....10 kids (7 boys, 3 girls)......7000 sheep.....3000 camels.....500 oxen......500 donkeys and countless servants. He was a wealthy man to say the least. His sons would take turns having feasts (parties) and invite the sisters to join. The feasts would last a week at a time. What I find fascinating is that after the feasts....Job would send for them to be purified and offer prayer and offerings on their behalf. As the father of the house his offerings to God would cover any sins his children may have committed. He was concerned his kids may have sinned against and cursed God in their hearts during the fearing times. He did this to show just how dedicated he was to God.
This is very comforting to me as I hope his kids knew how great of a dad he was to them. To pray and plead on their behalf....just in case they sinned and didn't know it. Wow. He took his role as head of the house very seriously and loved God as well. He did these things for his children to show his love for our God as well as them.

Now in verse 6 the angels went before the Lord and satan went along......did you catch that? Satan went before the Lord. In Gods holy presence. The Lord asks satan where he came from. Now we know God knows where he came from yet he asks anyway. Jesus asks the disciples questions he already knows the answers too also......just so we can read and understand that even though Jesus knows our hearts he still asks. Then look at verse 8.....God asks satan if he's considered Job, His servant. Job was the only one on earth at that time that was blameless before God. He respected God and in turn he blessed Job.

Now....God asks satan? And he's asking if he considered His servant Job? God communicating with satan? This makes me wonder a lot of things. But back to the story. God and satan have a conversation about Job. Satan knows God has blessed Job with all his family and possessions and put a hedge of protection around him......yet God is going to test Job by allowing satan to do it. Satan is sure Job will curse God after he's done with him.

Verse 12 God says satan can do what he wants just not to lay a finger on Job himself. Meaning he was not allowed to take Jobs life. So satan went on his merry way. Satan wants to get us as far from God as possible. Once we are Gods child, satan can't have us but he can torment us. This is what he lives for. What good is a discouraged christian to anyone? No good....cause when we get discouraged, we don't study and pray....then we don't make disciples. Just how he wants it.
So he goes out and first kills his oxen and donkeys and kills his servants.....Job finds out from a messenger.
Then Satan burns all his sheep and his servants.....job finds out from a messenger .
Then all his camels get stolen and his servants killed......Job finds out from another messenger
Then all his kids are in a house that suddenly collapsed on them with more servants......Job finds this out from another messenger.
All these things happened one right after the other.
In verse 20........look at Jobs response to all this calamity. He tore his robe and shaved his head. Then fell to the ground to worship God. This was a symbol of mourning.
And then he says he came naked into the world and will leave this world naked. The Lord give and he takes away. He will praise His name.
Job did not sin at all in his response to what happened to him. He still praised his God despite all the heartache. Job knew that all we have and will have or lose in this life belong to God. We are only "borrowing" it from him. I know I've been bitter at God for way less things than what Job went through. We get a sense of entitlement to things and people in this life. Entitlement that's not ours to own. We are prideful people.....but Job is not. He understands who God is and knows his place. Job sets a good example for us.

One thing I've learned in this chapter is that Satan is under Gods authority. Nothing happens to us that God doesn't give permission for. Satan has to have permission to do anything to us. Why would a holy God allow satan to be used in our lives? Well....from all I've been reading and studying it is To make us more like Jesus. Trials and what we go through are used to mold us into more of the image of Jesus each and every valley we get into. The other and most important reason for us to go through what we do is for God to get His due glory. Praising God amongst the storms he allows satan to throw
at us......that's hard to do, but the blessing is so worth it. And we will be more like Jesus!

Sin

Back in the day my favorite band was Def Leppard......which is no secret. Anyway, I still like to listen to them now and then......not sure if it's a good thing, but I'm being honest here. Today I came across a song I haven't heard in 15+ years....and the lyrics all came back.

The chorus of a song called "White Lightning" went like this.....
"You wanna leave but you can't let go
You wanna stop but you can't say no
You never laugh about it
You just can't live without it
You had enough but you just want more
You never get what you're looking for"

The chorus of this song now means something different than it did to me back in the day. When I hear these words today it makes me think of sin and the sin patterns that just won't seem to go away. I heard someone say it this way..."just when you think you defeated a sin.....it comes back around looking like something else, all shiny and new". Isn't that the truth?

God tells us in His word that the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure ( Jeremiah 17:9)
And Psalm 51:5 says that we are sinful since conception and birth.
Galatians 5:13 tells us that we aren't to use our freedom to indulge in our sinful desires.

See....we have free will and we can do what we want, when we want, and how we want. We are warned against this repeatedly in the Bible. We can't escape it....we have to rely on Christ to overcome. We can't do this alone.....we need help. We are all born with a natural bent toward one sin over others. We all have that one sin we just can't seem to shake. We all have that one sin that comes around all shiny and new after we think we defeat it. We are born that way.
We are born that way so we have a need for our Savior. If we didn't have our sinful nature and need saving .....we would need Jesus at all. So sin is horrible and keeps us from our Father, but we always have a way out.

2 Peter 2:11 tells us that we are to be aliens in this world and abstain from sinful desires, which war against our soul.

See....we have a choice. We have a way to get out from under the sin that traps us. We just need to pray and say "no".......but it's never that simple. Even after we accept Jesus, we will still sin and struggle with it. What I've found in my own life is I still sin but am more aware of it and don't "crave"  it like I did before. We will always sin until we get to glory with our Father. We sin because we are sinners. We will always be sinners....broken sinful people.....with ungodly desires.

Once we recognize we have sin in our life go to 1 john 1:9......confess it and repent. He will forgive and cleanse us! Our savior paid our penalty! We don't have to be a slave any longer or fall into our sin patterns. To God be the glory! Amen.

Making excuses

I've been told a lot that I need to stop "making excuses" for people. That this leads to others taking advantage of me. I understand what I'm being told but at the same time....I can't help it. There are different angles to look at situations. Not everything is cut and dry. Not everyone makes good choices in a bad situation. So me being a "fixer", I try come up with ways as to why people may do the things they do.....and then try to help them.

I spend a lot of time in the ER and people come from all walks of life. As I take care of them I sometimes wonder what life they have or how they got to the point they are now? What happened before they walked through the door? What do they live in everyday? Do they know Jesus at all? Asking these questions puts things in a whole new perspective. And we can ask these questions to anyone we meet, not just at an ER. What if someone new comes to church? Or you volunteer at a place? Putting people's situations in perspective gives a new sense of how we can help and pray for them. Then I get told that "making excuses" for people is dumb and I should stop doing it.....well I can't.

I knew a dear lady at our church and she was a big influence on me as a Christian. When I was first saved she invited me to her house for a ladies Bible study. I felt so out of place as all the women were more mature in their walk with Christ.....but she encouraged me to come anyway. She was one of those people that just made you feel better just sitting in her presence. Jesus love spilled out of her like a waterfall. You couldn't help but notice him when you were with her. Over the years I watched as she prayed for people....encouraged them.....helped counsel women......studied with us.....worked with kids and youth......helped me grow.....loved me with an unconditional love, as she did to everyone she knew. She always kept an empty bed open at her home incase someone needed a place to lay their head for a night or two. I could call her anytime of day and she would steer me I'm the godly direction I needed to go and not the selfish one I wanted to take. She and I had many conversations and she knew a lot of my struggles. But at the same time.....she "made excuses" for people too. We had never talked of this quality she had, but now that I changed my perspective on people, she would agree with me. She looked at situations through Gods eyes and saw people as He did. She didn't judge or condemn, but loved In a way that only God could do through her. She has been passed away for several years now, but her legacy still lives on at our little church. We can all still talk of Jean and how she loved us all....not favoring one over the other. We still talk of her influence on us as Jesus' ambassador and how she was a prayer warrior for all of us.

I realize the reason I make excuses for people.....if you think about it, the Bible tells us that Jesus sits at His Fathers right hand and intercedes for us. Did you catch that? He is our go-between. He is our mediator between us and our Father. So when I make excuses for people, it's no different that what my savior does for me. I must clarify that Jesus does stand between God and our sin. He doesn't excuse our sin......but his sacrifice allows him to cover our sin so we can have fellowship with our father. We have been given so much grace by our God......we can do right and extend that same grace to others.....whether people agree with it or not. And think about this....in the end, we only answer for what we (meaning I) did or didn't do for my God within the church body he has placed me. So if I don't extend grace to someone, that's on me. We all have free will to do as we please. He won't take that away, but gives us instructions on how to live a godly life. We have a choice.....we always have a choice.